You’ve probably heard the saying, "You have to kiss a few frogs before you find your Prince (or Princess) Charming." The idea is that by dating a few people, you learn what you like and don’t like, leading you closer to finding a perfect match. This concept applies equally to enhancing your wellbeing. It’s not about finding a universal remedy but about discovering what truly resonates with you.
Just like dating, improving your wellbeing involves experimenting with different tools, strategies, and practices. It’s essential to explore various approaches, test them out, and see which ones fit your unique needs. When you find something that works for you, commit to it and integrate it into your routine. If something doesn’t resonate, it’s perfectly okay to let it go and move on. The key is to give each practice the time and energy to understand its potential before making a final decision.
How to enhance wellbeing?
Unlike what we’ve been told and sold, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to wellbeing. Not everything works for everyone. For instance, meditation seems to be the ‘thing’ right now—everywhere you turn, there’s someone spruiking meditation. And whilst there is a stack of evidence to suggest meditation can be incredible for your wellbeing, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it will work for you. We need to shift our focus from ‘what works’ to ‘what works for whom’.
In fact, no single activity is helpful for everyone because we’re all so unique … we have different personalities, values, strengths and lifestyles. Instead, to boost your wellbeing it’s important to focus your efforts on the activities that best suit us as individuals. (Psychologists call this ‘person intervention fit’ or ‘person activity fit’).
You’ll be happy to know that unlike dating, there’s research that tells us what we should be looking for.
A leading researcher in positive psychology, Sonya Lyubomirsky, developed a Person Activity Fit Diagnostic that suggests reflecting on interventions / activities and considering what it would be like to do them every week for an extended period of time. Based on this, here’s a checklist to help you work out whether a particular wellbeing practice is right for you:
Does it feel ‘natural’ to you and will you be able to stick with it?
Do you enjoy doing it and do you find it interesting and challenging?
Is it important to you and does it reflect who you are – would you do it freely even when it’s not enjoyable?
If you’ve answered ‘yes’ to the above, great! But ...
Would you feel ashamed, guilty or anxious if you didn’t keep doing this activity?
Would you need to force yourself to do it?
Would you keep doing this activity because someone else wants you to, or because the situation demands it?
If you answered ‘yes’ to the last three questions, perhaps it’s not right for you.
The process of finding what enhances your wellbeing is much like dating—it requires curiosity, openness, and patience. Keep exploring different activities and approaches, and trust that you’ll know when you find something that truly works for you. It will feel like a natural fit, with a sense of ease and enjoyment that signals you’ve found your match.
Just as in dating, don’t be afraid to let go of what doesn’t work and continue searching until you find the practices that truly resonate. Your journey towards optimal wellbeing is personal, and discovering what aligns with your unique self will make all the difference.
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